What I didn't realize was the huge mistake we made in arriving at the decision to breastfeed: We skipped over all the self-righteousness and sociopolitical rhetoric that should be an integral part of discussion in every marital and parenting decision we make for the rest of our lives. I shouldn't have been surprised that family/friends have both literally applauded me, and also asked when the hell am I going to start giving my four week old solid foods. Disturbingly, one of the most vocal members of the latter camp is my soon-to-be-fired gynecologist. I'm not feeding my child; I'm - albeit doing the Diet Coke version thereof - part of A Movement and making A Statement:
- F-U to those Feminazis at NOW, who according to the
LLL worshippersladies at my only local non-religious mothers' group, hate breasteeding. I read their negative reaction to the pro-breastfeeding commercials differently, and found it- surprise! - self-righteous, obnoxious and reverse classist butreasonably logical and pro-breastfeeding. - F-U to the eeevil, stuuupid United States (Maybe I didn't leave Liberal Yuppieland so far behind after all?) and its backwards moneyhungry puritanical culture
- I love my child way more than moms who choose to formula feed exclusively. And of course, more than moms whose milk dries up early/never comes in due to medical issues, moms whose employers don't accommodate pumping, etc.
- BUT since I use bottles of pumped milk, nursing covers, and going to the other room/bathroom rather than give whomever a free show, I don't love my child as much as the militant, in your face, Nurse In Public people love theirs.
Sounds good, right? I have been twice so far, and was irked by the following:
- As a geriatric 31 year old, I'm by far the oldest first time mom in the group. Eek! In Liberal Yuppieland, it's practically scandalous if you have your first kid before your age alone necessitates IVF.
- It's fine to ask me if CoffeeMan has brown hair like Pillbug's
because of course my blonde DNA alone doesn't produce wavy brown hair, dumbass, but don't look at me like I have three heads if I tell you he's black. If I'm going to lie, it'll be a lie that benefits me and one about something I can get away with; something obvious like race doesn't fall into that category. - Lengthy in-depth discussions about how we are superior human beings and mothers for the Statement we made by joining the breastfeeding Movement. Medical benefits in the first six months, yes, yes, we covered that at the birthing classes. Bashing women who make different choices (due to fewer options perhaps?) not so much. Discussing how superior you, your family, and your child are to a room full of near strangers is just rude and arrogant - the proper forum for such a discussion is with my best friend from high school. She and I can provide decades of concrete evidence of each other's awesomeness, now without our moms bitching at us to watch our language and quit tying up the phone line.
I would be remiss not to point out - If you're in that mother's group, you're a stay at home mom, or a mom with an unusually flexible employer, who gave birth at a very posh
And look like aging high school mean girls by forgetting that instead of being grateful for what we have.
1He's growing up so fast!
2After nearly a decade in snooty management consulting firms in the stuffiest city on earth, yeah, I do think I'm a rebel for having hair longer than the safe, professional "chin-to-shoulder length" hair.
3We have a relationship that is completely inappropriate for a mother in law and a daughter in law - we get along great, because of mutual love, appreciation and respect. Some family therapist out there would have a field day.