Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Holding Pattern

This is the month I typically make my new years' resolutions, but this is the year I'm not feeling it.

Who the hell makes new years resolutions in May, do you ask? Well, it's not really a new year for me on January 1; it's an arbitrary "4.5 months till my birthday" mark, so why the hell make resolutions then?  It's not even a round number.Yes, I've been derided as quirky and self-centered ever since I changed my new year timetable back in the 90s, but so be it.

The plan for my move out here originally was that CoffeeMan was going to apply aggressively for a transfer back to the East Coast. Compared to here, the weather sucks, the produce is expensive, and people are left-wing nutjobs.  But if you've ever taken an infant on a turbulent, 6-hour redeye across the country to see his grandparents/aunt's wedding,  you'd move your ass back to where your family lives too.  In other words, we thought we'd be here only a few months.  Most of my stuff is in storage, and I left my job without a strategy for re-entering the workforce, assuming I'd just explain my time out as "maternity leave."

I was going to take the chance offered to me, rarely offered to a woman in her early 30s, to hit the reset button, figure out what my next steps were going to be.  And in my spare time, flesh out some of the story outlines I had made, see if I can get them published.  The thing is, I seem to have no motivation or energy to do so.  And worse, I keep trying to figure out what I do want to do when I go back to work, and WRITE is the only thing that comes to mind.  Which is (a) a long shot; (b) pays crap unless you are one of those rare ones who makes it big; and (c) requires energy and motivation, two commodities that are severely lacking in me.

We moved me, the cats, and what little else fits in my Civic out here and arrived a few days before Halloween.  Meaning, I've been out here 6 months with no end in sight, but I'm unwilling to invest too deeply in a life I'm likely to just pack up and leave behind in a relatively short time.  CoffeeMan, to his credit, is on his company's job board almost daily looking for a new position.  This economy, to its discredit, no longer supports even a highly qualified, highly respected professional like him writing his own ticket.  So here I am...

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