Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Take The Pill and Shove It

Neonatally Induced Abstinence: n. A highly effective form of birth control that prevents pregnancy by using one or more of the following means to prevent sex taking place:
(1) Exhausted parents of a newborn, having gone in some cases as long as their child's entire post-partum life without more than 15 consecutive minutes of rest, always elect sleep over sex due to their extreme exhaustion.
(2) The mom of a newborn's extreme PMS and appearance (including but not limited to leftover stomach flab, stretch marks, stitches from epi or tear) keep both parents from being "in the mood" for the forseeable future;
(3) Friends of the sleep-deprived new parents (particularly those who were on the fence about having kids), having seen the new parents stumble around in a zombielike state unaware that they're covered in drool and spitup, swear off sex for the forseeable future just in case.

This, my lovely OB, in addition to lactational amennorhea, in addition to the fact that I don't freaking ovulate or even have stable blood sugar without the L-1 drug you refuse to prescribe me until I drink your punitive medicine Dr. Moreau Koolaid, stop breastfeeding, and go on the Pill like a good little zombie woman, is why I am confident that I won't get pregnant anytime soon.

Nevermind the fact that the Pill is basically an invention to subjugate women.  Unless you're one of those women who is too lazy to keep an eye on your cervical mucus in which case you're too immature and irresponsible to be having sex anyway,  the only real benefit of the Pill for most of us is that its existence and the presumption that anyone who cares about her career takes it, makes us more marketable to hiring managers.  Employers don't have to worry about - gasp!- our having any priorities or obligations besides our jobs; and lazy boyfriends don't have to worry about the non-disease consequences of sex.  And the Feminazis rejoice. While there are some who do have a legitimate medical need for it, they're few and far between; putting every single non-pregnant woman between the age of 11 and 60 on the Pill as a matter of course is inappropriate.

Now the fact that you're an old-school dumbass who'd rather treat the million symptoms than treat the one cause  we have divergent POVs when it comes to managing PCOS, is unfortunately why I'm looking for a new OB.

No comments:

Post a Comment